Well I’ve reached the end of this particular summer adventure. One full day left before I board my plane back to the States. And I have to say that my time has just blown by but in the best possible way.
It’s gone both fast and slow: too fast for my liking because I don’t want to leave and too slow because I’ve had time to see and do everything I wanted (and many things I didn’t even know existed).
Sitting here in the cafe where John and I write, I can’t help shake the feeling that — for at least these moments — I’ve experienced life the way you humans experience it. Much work in Alcoholics Anonymous isn’t centered on not drinking (although, you know, that’s the goal), it’s about changing your behaviors and re-envisioning how you see the world.
It’s unimportant on the specifics of it all. If you ever end up there, you’ll see what I mean. (Although I hope for all of you that you don’t ever have to.)
But the fact that this trip was free from paranoia, fear, anger, angst and a host of other emotions that were my constant companions before is a victory for me. The point is simply this: so many events have gone right during the this trip, so many opportunities came up, so many great people emerged from the shadows of my life that I can’t help but think that whatever I’m doing must be working.
Which is a bit misleading because it sounds as if I’ve done something. And I haven’t. All of this is a direct result of two simple things:
- Me getting out of my own way, leaving behind (much of) the selfish and nasty parts of me; which in turn has
- allowed me to find the amazing and wonderful people in my life who have this amazing capacity for sharing that allows them to invite others to be in their goodness. And to find the strangers who have a general sense of goodness that allowed them to reach out and connect — even if just briefly — with another stranger often from the other side of the world.
And maybe it’s that last part that has given me the greatest boost. Because not being a dick — that first part — isn’t anything all that particularly noble. It is, I’m finding, what you’re supposed to do — and what many humans do every day without thinking about it.
But that act, not being a dick, opens up a world around you. And the fact that when you’re doing things right (or “right” is probably a better way to think of it), problems seem to dissolve because you suddenly have a group of people, working together in your corner. People want to be around people who are, you know, dicks.
I know what my dad would say that’s some higher power working for me. (Love you, pop.) Not me, though. What I’ve come to realize is that when I’m doing things right, that world just opens up around me. It’s not that people were attracted to me, it’s that people are attracted to this general sense of — well, I don’t know yet how to describe it.
I’ll describe it this way: while I was traveling, there were a few times when I had to make a choice between two groups of people. Every time, I chose the group that was calm (like still water, not like emotionally),that was doing something low-key (it seemed) and that was talking with each other over the group that was drinking, partying and looking for something.
Every time I made that decision, part of me winced because I was choosing against the grain of my thinking. And every time I did that, amazing opportunities — some of which you’ve read about here and some of which you haven’t — appeared, usually within hours.
Meanwhile the other groups would disappear from my radar, a fact that never really registered with me until now. (Which shouldn’t be read as a condemning of those groups, simply as an affirmation that my choices, and mine alone, were right for me.)
In AA, it’s a simple mantra: Do the next, right thing.
It’s a pretty good life philosophy, one that needs daily reminders (for people like me) because it’s so simple. From the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, take the next task in front of you and do what you know to be right. String a few of those actions together and your world — and your mind — starts to change.
Without waxing too philosophic about getting sober, I’ll just end with this: the things I’ve learned from my friends in AA, the simple things about living life right, treating other people well, thinking of the people around you first. All of that made this trip what it was.
A living, breathing, daily AA meeting. A world that works if you work it. A world that will surprise you every day if you just keep coming back. A world that, through it’s reaction to what you do, reflects back whether you’re doing that next, right thing or not.
A world that let’s you know when you’re doing things right.