Un-Tethered (54 of 90)
A man said to the universe:
"Sir I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation."
— Stephen Crane
I’m off today.
There are days I wake up, as I did today at 3 AM, and know I will hang from the side of the cliff, white knuckling. I don’t enjoy these days, but I’ve not yet had the opportunity to let the universe know that I would prefer to not deal with this. Apparently, the complaints line is quite long.
Still, it’s been a day with A Great Deal of Maintenance Required.
I find myself un-tethered from reality, from today. Instead my thoughts of have drifted into the un-changeable past, the place where opportunities have already come and gone, decisions have been made and solidified, and events can only exist as they once were.
There is nothing inherently good about visiting a museum about yourself.
This week I had two endings.
People mistakenly think endings happen suddenly, surely, cleanly. That’s not been my experience. Endings happen slowly, silently. Across an invisible threshold. A place that is just past the point of not starting. Or re-starting.
Ends are never ends. They are simply the beginning of no mores.
These days happen because I live in a world of expectations. A Romantic notion where people cast aside their responsibilities and follow their heart.
Then again, maybe they have.
“We’re never going to live happily ever after. You’re going to die poor, drunk and alone.”