In The Program, we have a phrase we use at breaking point: my ass is falling off.
I quite like the phrase although I couldn’t really tell you why. It’s disgusting on about every conceivable level, but when you’re in the shit it’s about the best descriptor there is.
I bring this up because everywhere I look, the world’s collective ass seems to be falling off. Of course, I understand that my worldview may be skewed because I’m in the Academy now. And in the Ivory Towers, April is Hell Month.
School is coming to an end, which means administrative tasks galore. Summer and Fall schedules. Three graduations (Spring, Summer I, Summer II). Conferences and papers. Last minute additions.
And the kids have internships to secure, graduation plans (for some) and job hunting, project and theses due.
Add that all up and there’s nary a smiling face within five miles of the campus. This is the time of year when students – and I suspect faculty – break. Wholly and completely.
The asses, in other words, are falling off.
***
There’s an interesting dynamic as a teacher, trying to judge the ebb and flow of students and classes. It is, at times, more art than science (although certainly there is a science to it as well).
You have to accomplish two different goals: you must stay consistent with expectations while also changing course to speed up or slow down accordingly. But you must be careful not to fall into the E-Trade trap: refreshing the screen all day making long-term decisions based on second-by-second data.
It’s maddening and stressful, really. Trying to determine the right course of action. When to yell. When to simply put an arm around a shoulder. And when to just continue on with no acknowledgement.
***
I am not stoic.
Other than my father, who is, I was raised by men who wore their emotions on their sleeves. The yelled. The hollered. They laughed. Their pats on the back would nearly knock you over. They would slip punches in that stung a little too much.
They embraced life and emotion.
This is not the way of the world, always, I’m finding.
I marvel at Jim Tressel, The Ohio State University football coach, who calmly travels the sidelines. Who never seems to lose control or composure. Whose teams take on that persona.
There is a benefit to this. A great benefit I think.
I try to learn from that. To feel that.
Mostly, though, I want to yell and laugh and smack you on the back.
***
But it’s April in the Academy. The zombies roam freely.
And asses are strewn around me.
