If I’m not careful with myself, I loop.
My mind works in an odd way, one that I’ve written about here and there before. It’s not anything crippling or debilitating, but it’s certainly a thing. The world in my head works in a very specific way. There’s no getting around that.
Still, it’s not entirely a lost cause when I’m paying attention to it. Which I don’t do enough.
But I’m trying to change that in my Year of Change. My Year of Health.
In the year before I came to Muncie, as I sat in the offices of doctors who tried to figure out what was wrong with my heart, I knew that whatever it was – whatever it was – it could be traced back to me. The smoking. The drinking. The decadence and indulgence of my life.
There comes a time when the body simply can’t handle the weight of it all anymore.
My doctor told me that my mind works the same way. I can push it, prod it, ignore it and run it around. But only for so long. Before the crash.
I’m one week into my serious training after six weeks of warm-ups.