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“‘Really’ for an Animal is Whatever its Brain Needs it to be in Order to Assist its Survival”

There’s an un-driven purposefulness happening in my life right now, a mode to which I’m unaccustomed. This is the type of silent, meandering emptiness from which I fled just a few years ago. The quiet solitude was meant only for hiding, the hollow space filled with the terror-filled visions of my head of what might […]

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A House, In Pieces

We’re slowly upgrading the digs here in Austin. It’s a long process made more difficult by my current posting in Muncie, Indiana. Still we’re making process on the home. We’re slowly getting the living room put together, although I can’t convince Andy that we should buy furniture, namely that modern Tulip dining table. He’s convinced […]

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The Return

It’s day one back at the job, a return that I actually found to be far more pleasant than I would have imagined. I’m not accustomed to this warm feeling. I had, actually, dreaded today so much because of my life before now. In previous years, a return to my work usually was also filled […]

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This Cabin Thing

General Butler State Park. This is my writing refuge. The place I go where there is no other place for me to go. The chaotic swirls of my life don’t find their way here. I am not sure why. I do not question these places. And yet I don’t always trust the quiet solitude. I […]

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Surrounded…

I’ve been surrounded, for the last 24 hours, by the mistakes of my life. The living, breathing ones. An object lesson in the non-linearity of time. No matter the distance traveled away from them, they are never more than a blink away. I am not sure what to do with them. Which is a lie. […]

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Spaced Oddities

The night sometimes wraps itself around me. There’s an oddness to it that I can’t quite explain. Emptiness and hollow, a long, dark hallway. I think it’s way I don’t slow down. Or rarely slow down. Like a child who sprints up the stairs after flipping the light switch, desperately trying to beat the blackness. […]

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The Fortress of Solitude

I’m sitting on my couch in Austin, the end of a long day. The calm before the Conference. It’s already been an amazing trip, a decompression after the insanity of ABC’s Extreme Makeover week. Certainly much drier than it was. Not that I’m in much better shape. I forgot that 80 degrees is the norm […]

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The Night Before…

There’s been only a very short period in my life when I’ve enjoyed flying. And enjoyed was probably not what it was. Probably fatigue, a soured relationship that exists near the back edge between the first months’ bliss and the final months’ disgusted disinterest. The area of empty casualness. My life in Berkeley involved flying. […]

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"How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high?"

prologue. "It" is happening again. The "it" that is happens not as much as "it" used to. Which strangely isn’t comforting. The "it" is a creeper, lying dormant for long stretches of time. Hiding. Always watching. Waiting. Which is what "it" does. I know this about "it", which makes "it" not so terrifying anymore because […]

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