Us

All stories are small, I tell my kids. If you find yourself unable to write – the so-called writer’s block – it’s probably because you’re trying to be too big. You’re trying to write something so universally true that there’s simply no way for it to exist, and you sit in front of a blank screen.

I know this about writing, and about life.

And yet sometimes everything changes – everything – and the idea of writing small seems overwhelming difficult because when everything changes how can that be tiny?

**

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A Thought On Hearts

I spent the day discussing art, creativity, storytelling, and life with my students. I am immersed within narratives right now, drinking in their spirits. It was during one of those slow moments that I had a conversation, one muddied with the human-ness of emotions and the personal strands that tether us with the ties that bind. 

Nothing in life is easy. Love least of all. As we talked, I was very aware of my heart. Then the world became very clear to me for just a fleeting second.

The heart is the most powerful, creative tool we have. It breaks, it mends, it heals, it longs, it burts, it swells…and it beats until there is nothing left. That is art.

I am not sure what tomorrow brings, or where love ends. I only know that the heart beats until there is nothing left, and it does so without a care or worry that some day it simply won’t.

This is life.

A Valentine’s Day Treatise

If you’ve followed my blog at all, you know that I have a deep and meaningful relationship with Mr. Hank Moody (and Charles Bukowski, the writer the show Californication is based upon).

At his highest, Moody is a sharp, witty writer examining the human condition while balancing his on-again/off-again relationship with girlfriend Karen and his casual escapes with other women.

At his lowest, he’s a drunken out-of-control addict unable to keep himself from self-destructing across the lives of everyone he cares about and everyone with whom he comes in contact.

Yet each week, you root for him. Even the other characters on the show root for him, especially the ones he spills across the most. Surely the damages cut a little deeper each time, but somehow you continue to like him.

Because he is unabashedly a Romantic.

He lives his life fully, openly and with the belief that this time – this time – is when everybody will finally get it right, make the right decisions and reach the zenith. Inevitably he falls when that peak is missed.

Until he gets back up.

**

I can tell you the moment that I fell in love for the first time. (That I can also tell you the time, location and type of drink I had for the first time may be more insightful that I wished it to be.)

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In Which I Re-Start, a Dating Tale

I know it’s only August, but it’s already been a long, interesting year.

I’m amazed when people say that Time Flies. I don’t find that to be true (although I also say things like that from time to time so you can imagine the intense self loathing that happens here). At least I don’t find that to be true now.

In my sobriety, I’ve learned to really take the time to enjoy the little moments that happen each day, the little events that sometimes slip through the cracks. Because of that, I think the year seems to be moving more slowly. Or maybe it’s because I’ve laid out some rather large goals that simply time the passage of time (with some action) to come to fruition.

The Year of Health and The Year of Friends has really helped re-configure my life’s priorities. I’ve can feel how my life could be if I just keep moving forward. The Brad@40 plan is already helping me get my act together in the next few years.

The one thing I haven’t really done this year – other than a couple mis-steps – is date. I’ve purposefully removed myself from the dating pool, focusing on getting my sobriety and life in working order. Something I’ve never really done.

Now, though, it feels like it’s time:

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